Tonight, as I lay here in my bed, editing my images from todays Style shoot, I am just so, incredibly thankful. Looking back to how my life was a year ago, I could never have dreamed that God would pick me up, dust me off, and put me on this amazing path that I’m currently walking on right now. I’m not only thankful that He has put me on a new path, but I’m thankful for the path that He has put me on. God has blessed me with this business: The Truth Diaries. Sure, style, beauty, travel, food etc. are a big part of what I’m doing… but The Truth Diaries all came from my book, which came from my depression.

This time last year, I had just been diagnosed [ September 28, 2012 ], and to say that I was in [what I’d imagine to be like] hell, wouldn’t be an overstatement. Now, one year later, I’m getting ready to publish my blog LIVE [ahhh!], coming to the end of writing my book, and am steadily, and surely coming out of this depression.

For several months I was so furious with God. It upset me that He was allowing me to suffer the horrible, destructive thoughts that were ripping me apart, every minute of every, single day. I thought all He had to do was click His fingers and they’d be gone – yet He never did. I cried out to Him, begging Him to destroy what was destroying my mind. I couldn’t wrap my head around just how He could let His daughter, His princess, to cry out to Him in such desperation, and pain, yet still not do anything to relieve me of the pain. Now, as I look back at the past year, I see why He didn’t miraculously heal me there, and then. Who can relate to an instant, click-of-the-fingers miracle? I know I can’t. I had to go through every bad thought, every fear, every doubt, so that I could help others who may be going through the same thing, or something similar in the future. Although I didn’t get the instant miracle that I was wanting, I got something even better. My miracle is still being performed. I’m a miracle-in-progress.

I thought I had a super solid relationship with God before my serotonin levels dropped last summer, but when I look at how our relationship is now, it’s 100x better. It’s 100x better because I know that if God can bring me through hell [the depression], and somehow lead me through the other side, untouched, stronger, and 100% more reliant upon Him that I had ever been before… then He can do ALL things. No exceptions. He has transformed me from being a worrier to a warrior of faith that lays everything at His feet. If He can save my life, and save me from the deepest, and darkest of places, then He can do ANYTHING, and EVERYTHING. That’s a promise.

So, my words to you before I head back to Photoshop to finish editing is to trust and have faith that Jesus knows exactly what He’s doing. Even if you can’t see why you’re going through something, have faith that He knows what He’s doing. He has it all planned out… so don’t make yourself weary by trying to figure everything out. Just trust – even when your circumstances tell you to do otherwise. Also, never take peace of mind for granted. When I was in the pit of the depression, all I ever wished for was to wake-up, and the only thing I’d worry about was what to wear that day. That’s something I’ve learned over this past year. When I’m having an odd day of suffering, all I ever pray for is PEACE of mind. Everyday I wake-up without a lie, doubt, fear, or worry in my head, I thank Jesus for peace.

So, my lovely readers, I just encourage you, whatever you’re going through right now, put your faith in God. He knows what you’re going through, and why you’re going through it. Just trust Him.

nicki xoxo


Your email is never published or shared. Required fields are marked *